found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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