He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
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please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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