well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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