I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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