I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
