She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
