it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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