You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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