I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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