I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
