i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
