my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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