I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
