i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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