Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
