I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
