Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
