just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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