When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
