Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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