I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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