dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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