my being single is dangerous.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
