I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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