Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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