Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
