Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
