my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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