what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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