Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
