Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
