my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
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My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
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fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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