I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
