Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
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This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
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I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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