i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
