the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
