My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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