Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
