I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
