I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
