New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
