dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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