I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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