Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
