I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
