I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize