It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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