im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
