Jerry, you need to find god
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
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i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
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And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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