When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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