there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
