You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm jealous of your bromance
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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