saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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