If i come over, it means nothing
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
