Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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