Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
