i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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