does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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