I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
