People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
