From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
