I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
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I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
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I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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