College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Blood and glitter go together right?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
